Happy Holidays?

As anyone can see.....I am not what you would say consistent in blog land...it's been four months, four long months of non-posting. Why???? Well for starters, I don't think I really have much to say to blog-land....secondly I'm not a SAHM, scrap booking wizard, photography guru, or Martha Stewart type of gal. I am a forty-something woman who is still searching for her niche in this world. Oh, yes, I am a mom, wife, teacher, sister, daughter and grad student....but make no mistake about it......I still really don't know who I am. Most of the blogs I stumble upon are of much younger women, who are very, very lucky to be at home with their children. I on the other hand, chose a very different path. Like my mother, I have always been career oriented, and not quite family oriented. Hence, the title of this post......in a nutshell, the holidays are a pain in my a*%!!! OH, please don't get me wrong.....it is and should be solely about the birth of our Christ and Savior, however, when family is thrown into the mix; family that I don't get along with.....it makes me want to SKIP Christmas altogether!!!! I wasn't always like this....I use to love the holidays, and getting together with family and friends, but somewhere down the road, my siblings changed and the holidays became a drudgery and a chore. I even go so far, as to try to uplift my mood with such wonderful holiday classics as "It's Wonderful Life", "Miracle on 34th Street", "A Christmas in Connecticut" and my all time favorite, "A Christmas Story". Makes me very sad to confess this (I have actual tears streaming down my cheeks as I type this.) Oh, believe me I have tried, and tried with my family and my husband's family, but something ALWAYS goes wrong, and my high? expectations for what I think our family should be like are always deflated, and no doubt my feelings are always hurt. I have been trying to learn to take the higher road, and to turn the other cheek, but I think my selfishness and sensitivity always get the best of me, and the resentment and jealousy I have been trying so hard to conquer always gets the best of me. I ask the Lord almighty for patience and forgiveness, but it feels most of the time I'm just talking to the air/empty space that surrounds me.
God Bless my husband for enduring this every, single year......I don't know where I would be without him. My daughter, God Bless her too, has to see this side of me each year, and I am completely ashamed......I should be teaching her better. Like I've said before, I don't want to be like my mother and I want to show her that family is what truly counts, but it's so difficult when all you have are Christmas movies to go on. I am bound and determined to make things different......my family cannot go on like this each holiday season. Don't get me wrong, the three of us had a WONDERFUL Christmas this year, minus our families, but I know in my heart of hearts that is not quite right. God willing things will be different next year, and I can finally have the Christmas I've always dreamed about.

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas!!

So the last time I was in Vegas was sometime back in 1994 or 95, and I knew things had changed, but not to the extent I encountered. Hubby hadn't been to Vegas since he was 18, and it felt like he hadn't been there at all. Let me first start out with that the "newer" casinos are amazing and not at all what I remembered. The old Sands and Frontier are gone replaced with up and coming casinos. Was shocked to hear, that Harrah's owns practically everything on the strip. More shocked to see the amount of "families" with their kids out on the strip. When did
Vegas turn into a mini Disneyland???? The amount of people up and down the strip was MIND BOGGLING!! The amount of money I saw being exchanged for gambling and drinking.....well let's just say I felt completely out of my league. Are we going to go back anytime soon, probably not, but it was a great getaway for the hubby and myself.

HOWEVER, I slowly began to realize, that I'm finally growing up. Back in my twenty's the amount of people drinking, gambling, partying, carousing etc......would not have bothered me at all, in fact I don't think I would have even blinked an eye when I would encounter someone in a drunken stupor. But this time around, the amount of people, the heat, and the party goers took me by surprise, and I was always looking behind my back. I just didn't feel all that comfortable out on the strip. I was actually fearful that something would happen to us. Where did the party girl of the 80's and 90's disappear to??? This would have never bothered her in a million years, in fact she would have probably joined the crowd of party goers. But suddenly, I fear, the party girl is no longer with us, and is now replaced with a more mature and cautious persona. In a way it saddens me, I wanted to be as carefree as the next person on the Las Vegas strip, but I just couldn't. Don't get me wrong, we saw two great shows: The Rat Pack is Back and Legends in Concert which were great, but I suddenly realized at one of the shows that we were partying with people my parent's age and not those in there 20's or 30's. But you know what, that's o.k. I'm o.k. with it and we still had a great time. (Sorry about the poor quality of the pics.....they were taken with an old fashion disposable camera, we left the digital behind by mistake.)
Oh, and I do have to say this.....IT SURE IS EXPENSIVE IN LAS VEGAS, AND WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE TIMESHARE PEOPLE. Goodness that was super annoying, not to mention the open solicitation for prostitution ( see what I mean, when I say that I've turned into my mother!!) All in all it was a fun trip, but it's really good to be back home.

I'll try to post more pictures from the second camera as soon as I get it developed.

The Final Twenty!!!

O.k. so I'm finally getting to the last top 20. I can't remember where the weekend went. I know I wasn't feeling all that great this weekend (I have "stomach issues"), but for the most part I just really chilled out.
Yea!!! I'm finally finished with summer school. I'm only 4 classes short of my graduate degree. I took my final yesterday afternoon (studied all day) and aced that sucker. Remember, summer school is an entire semester in only 4 1/2 weeks, so it was alot of information in a very short period of time. I'll begin the Internship phase of my degree plan, and there are still a lot of things up in the air with that. I technically do not have a placement yet, so I'm starting to get a little worried. More on that later.
Without further ado, the remaining 20 of My Top 100.

19. I have a very real fear of dying. It consumes me at times. ( I know that's pretty morbid.)
18. I believe I am a germaphobic.....not to the extent of say a person with OCD, but the thought of germs just sends shivers down my spine.
17. I was a great student in high school, a so-so student in college, but a not so great daughter, wife or mother.
16. Since my second marriage to my hubby ( a.k.a Mr. Stormreach) I'm trying to change #17 completely around.
15. I don't really like ice-cream.
14. My stomach issues really won't let me eat fruits or vegetables.
13. I can't remember the last time I had a piece of fruit to eat.
12. As, I've gotten older, I hate to go shopping.
11. I get very claustrophobic with big crowds, esp. at the mall, or a sporting event.
10. If there is a large crowd that is to be anticipated I will not attend. I'm a scaredy cat.
9. I never in my life thought that teaching would be my vocation.
8. I was your typical 80's party club girl.
7. I should also include the 90's in the above statement. (and it involved everything that came with the partying kind of lifestyle.)
6. I'm turning into my mother.......and I can't make it stop.
5. I am NOT a pet person. ( Did I already say that somewhere on my list? I'm getting desperate for ideas.)
4. I like to smoke when I drink......but that too has gone by the wayside as I have gotten older.
3. I wish I had a close relationship with my family, but esp. God.
2. Michael is the second best thing that has happened to me.
1. Danielle is the best thing out of my life,

Not as juicy as I would have liked......I keep thinking, what if my daughter gets to read this blog, so I really had to censure it, plus it's only 7:30 in the morning.
Hubby and I are off to VEGAS!!!! Yeah....we leave tomorrow morning. It's been 6 years, since we've had a real vacation, and I can't wait to get away for a few days. Until then have a great week.

What happens is Vegas, stays in Vegas!
Angie

Top 100.......continued!!

O.k. I left off on #60, so I want to continue with my Top 100, and it really is harder than I thought.

59. I always wanted to be a lawyer or a writer, but I ultimately became an English teacher.
58. That's been my professional gig for the last 15 years. Whew.....can't believe that one!!!
57. In my twenty's I NEVER thought I would be a teacher.
56. Grammar is not my strong suit....it's actually the Literature aspect of it.
55. That's why I'm so afraid to write........the criticism of not being a good writer, yet teaching??????? What the heck!!!
54. This blog is helping me conquer my fear.
53. I've been in Grad school for the last two years. Almost done.
52. Thinking about getting into a Doc. program
51. Need more money for that though.
50. I love to learn and go to school!!! Remember BAND NERD!!!
49. I've been every hair color under the rainbow!!
48. People tell me that I look my best as a blonde.....Whatever!!!
47. I really do like Helen Hunt. Remember the t.v. show Mad About You????
46. My daughter thinks I look like Geena Davis in a League Of Their Own.......I think that's because I use to be a red head.
45. My husband and I love to go out to the movies every Friday night.
44. I'm blessed to be able to do that.
43. Ohhh!!!! How could I forget to tell you that I love Gwen Stefani from No Doubt. I wish I could dye my hair that color.
42. My hair stylist won't don't do it though......she says my hair will fall out.
41. I don't believe her. (but I guess I do, because I keep going to her.)
40. I also have to have my nails done. Those are my two luxuries.
39. I've never been to Europe.
38. But I live a hop, skip and a jump from Mexico.
37. I don't go to Mexico....it's too dangerous to go there right now.
36. It is my life long dream to go to Italy, Spain and England.
35. I have suddenly developed a fear of flying, and I don't know why.
34. I'm addicted to Bravo TV. That's the only t.v. channel I really watch.
33. I hate commercials!!!
32. I think I'm the only one left who doesn't have TiVo.
31. Commercials never use to bother me until I met my 2nd husband....he loathes them.
30. He doesn't watch t.v. See #45.
29. I don't have an IPOD, or a Wii.
28. I'm not a big fan of video or computer games.
27. I would rather read a good book, and drink tons of coffee in the process.
26. I love, love, love to drink coffee. I think that's why my stomach is so messed up.
25. I'm trying to drink decaf, but it's just not the same.
24.. I don't watch American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, or Lost.....I really don't know what's on the other channels.
23. This irks my mom to no end. She loves those t.v. programs.
22. Places in the U.S. I have visited in my lifetime: San Diego, Sacramento, San Francisco, Anaheim. St. Paul, Raleigh, New York, Albuquerque, Roswell, Phoenix, Colorado Springs, Las Vegas, Dallas and little towns that I don't want to mention in Texas.
21. I want to go back to San Francisco and New York some day.
20. How do I get there if I'm afraid to fly?

I need to learn to type with my glasses on, so my eyes don't get so tired, and I can finally finish this list. The last nineteen will be juicy. But that's for another day.
I can't believe it's going to be August tomorrow. ARGH!!!! I'll be going back to work in a couple of weeks. Where did the summer go??? Really where. And don't even mention that Christmas is right around the corner. I couldn't handle that right now.
Time to snuggle up with one of my many, many books.
Till next time,
Angie

Top 100 Moments of Tranquility and Chaos

This is by far one of the most common things (or is it themes?) I've seen on all the blogs when I began reading them over two years ago. So I thought I would start right off, and see what I could come up with.....I doubt I'll be able to finish this tonight, but let's see how many I can generate this evening.

100. I am the oldest of three, which was not at all fun growing up.
99. Hence, my two younger siblings ( my brother, and sister) always enjoyed torturing me to no end.
98. I was always told I had to be the responsible one.
97. Ultimately, I wasn't.
96. I was a band nerd/geek in high school.
95. And I loved every minute of it.
94. I played fast pitch softball for a city league for approx. 6 years.
93. I played Centerfield.
92. I was very good, and was named Most Valuable Player a couple of times.
91. That was a long, long time ago; like in the late 70's and early 80's.
90. I haven't really, really played since then.
89. I do miss it, even now.
88. I learned to play tennis when I was in my 30's.
87. I am a very, very good swimmer.
86. I use to be a life guard.
85. I absolutely love all things 80's!!!
84. Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Smiths, Jon Bon Jovi, Cindy Lauper, Flock of Seagulls, Asia, Styx, When
in Rome, Men at Work, Pat Benetar, Van Halen (with David Lee Roth), Foreigner and Loverboy are the
greatest 80's band ever!!!!
83. I'm so stuck in the 80's.
82. That's all I listen to on XM radio.
81. My 15 year old daughter loves the 80's too.
80. She still thinks I'm a dork though.
79. I married my high school sweetheart.
78. We were married for 10 years.
77. It didn't work out; we were too young to begin with when we got married.
76. We are still friends.
75. The greatest thing to come out of that marriage was my beautiful daughter.
74. She is an only child,
73. That makes me extremely sad.
72. I remarried in my mid 30's.
71. I don't have any step-children.
70. That makes me happy and sad at the same time. But truth be told, it makes me more happy.
69. Was just recently told I could never have children again.
68. Duh, I figured that one out about 4 years ago.
67. My husband and I would love to adopt.
66. But we'll have to wait until I finish Grad school next Spring.
65. I love to read fiction!!!
64. To Kill A Mockingbird is one of the greatest books EVER written.
63. Jane Austen rocks too.
62. I'm trying to read all of her novels; like in the movie The Jane Austen Book Club, but so far I'm still reading
Persuasion.
61. I dislike non-fiction, fantasy, sci-fi.
60. I love the power of the written word.

O.k. that's about it for tonight.....I need to fill out some paperwork for my daughter before she can pre-register for her sophomore year of high school, and I want to continue watching a movie that I keep pausing while I'm typing this.

Fondly,
Angie

First Time Is Always The Hardest

So...as with all things in life, the first time is always the hardest. I've been in blog land for two years now, but only in the shadows, and very rarely posting comments to all the blogs I visit on a daily basis. So finally after two years of reading, lurking, wishing, laughing, crying, smiling and praying as I read the most inspiring pieces of writing, I too have taken the plunge to develop my very first blog. (And all before my 41st birthday nonetheless.) Most of the things that I think I will be writing about will deal with the ordinary comings and goings of a mother to a teenage daughter, a wife, a middle school English teacher, a Christian on a journey to have an intimate relationship with Christ, and hopefully a soon to be school and community counselor. I believe this is going to finally be the way to add more moments of tranquility than chaos to my life, and to finally start facing all my fears of publishing my writing. I look forward to seeing what the future will hold for me, as I finally attempt to put my life story into perspective.

Blessings always,
Angie